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Some of the novice humpers out there may be concerned that they would be subjecting themselves to civil liability or even committing criminal trespass when they engage in acts of Hummer humping. The following legal advice should dispel any such potential misperceptions of the act of humping Hummers.
In New York State, “a person is guilty of trespass when he knowingly enters or remains unlawfully in or upon premises” (N.Y. Penal Law § 140.05). The criminal code defines “premises” as including the term “building,” which can be a vehicle (N.Y. Penal Law § 140.00). However, it would only constitute criminal trespass to hump a vehicle which is “used for overnight lodging of persons, or used by persons for carrying on business therein, or used as an elementary or secondary school” (N.Y. Penal Law § 140.00). Furthermore, it might be a necessary element of the offense that the humping occur within the confines of the Hummer. Those requirements likely preclude the possibility that a Hummer would fit the definition of a “building” as described in the criminal code. Therefore, the normal act of humping a Hummer would not subject an individual to liability for criminal trespass.
Neither would a Hummer humping individual subject themselves to liability for criminal mischief (N.Y. Penal Law § 145.00). An essential element of that offense is reckless damage of property, which is very unlikely to occur in the course of an average act of Hummer humping. It would be difficult to prove criminal tampering because an essential element of that offense is that the perpetrator act with intent to cause substantial inconvenience to the owner of the property (N.Y. Penal Law § 145.14). To avoid a conviction on that count would likely require simply that the humper cease and desist when asked to do so by the owner of the Hummer. It would be similarly difficult to prove reckless endangerment of property because of the requirement that the conduct “creates a substantial risk of damage to the property of another person in an amount exceeding two hundred fifty dollars,” which is again unlikely to occur in the course of a normal hump (N.Y. Penal Law § 145.25).
In short, the usual act of humping a Hummer—occurring on the outside of the vehicle, without causing any damage to the vehicle itself—is exceedingly unlikely to subject a well-intentioned humper to any criminal liability, except perhaps in the unlucky case where the owner of the Hummer is a particularly vindictive and unscrupulous police officer or prosecutor. As for civil liability, irked Hummer owners seeking recourse for the embarrassment suffered as a result of a successful humping are without redress.
The law dealing with destruction and damages to personal property—what’s known in legal parlance as “chattels”—is the misunderstood area of law known as torts. In this case, however, there is absolutely no need for tort reform. The basis for tort law is that when one private individual harms another private individual, the law provides some sort of redress to the person harmed in the form of “damages.” These damages are the subject of tort reform when they exceed monetary amounts we consider “reasonable” because the jury awards an astronomical sum of money to the victim. Whether or not such jury awards are too high is a normative judgment that exceeds the scope of this memo. What is clear, however, is that damages to make a victim “whole” again are a legitimate concept. What’s more, it is clear that humping Hummers almost never causes injuries that would warrant rewarding damages to the “injured” party. Therefore, the average Hummer humper has no reason to worry that their humping is putting them at risk of being sued by the Hummer owner.
It is a generally settled matter of tort law that the burden rests on the plaintiff to prove damages to his or her property. It is intuitive that a person humping a Hummer will not cause damage to the vehicle without great effort. These sturdy beasts are built to withstand rugged off-roading and are unperturbed by a soft human form pressed up against their metallic exoskeleton. Only by purposely pounding away at a vehicle with a diamond-or metal-studded codpiece could the act of humping cause any sort of significant damage to a Hummer. Furthermore, even a very large 300-pound person hanging off the tow hook would barely rock an H2 or H3, which weigh in at 6400 lbs and 4700 lbs, respectively. In short, these gas-guzzling behemoths live up to their tough reputation, at least as far as a little hump goes. Fear not the law, and hump to your heart’s content!
The Office of General Counsel at ihumpedyourhummer.com
